The history of clowns can be traced back to different origins, depending on your inclinations toward these spawn of madness. Originally, African and Native American witch-doctors, or "shamen", took it to be part of their "medicine" to help someone in the tribe get and stay well, usually his herbs and spiritual channeling was accompanied by much light-heartedness, songs, and merriment. Enter, the Trickster. Feared and respected by natives in all cultures, the Trickster is able to accomplish many feats, but is as dangerous an ally as he is a foe, but also is the Fool - playing practical jokes, telling wild tales, and even doing slapstick, to the uproarious delight of onlookers. These respected spiritual leaders and sometimes physicians, would paint their faces and garb themselves in various items of clothing, transforming themselves into sometimes amusing and sometimes grotesque parodies of people or emotions. Some say this is the start of the "Clown" image; a therapeutic and helpful aspect of one of the many duties of the spiritual leaders of a tribe.
Following this, years later as the arts and sciences began to progress in Rome, Italy and Greece, comedies and tragedies and other plays were put on, usually of a religious bent, after the Christianization of those who believed in their pagan gods. During this period, anytime the Devil was to be represented in a play, Mephistopheles, for example, in Goethe's works, an actor would dress up, face painted, usually black and white, to signify his difference and strangeness in contrast with the rest of the actors. He would also be quite hedonistic and amusing, but also quite clever and subtle.
Interestingly, during the Spanish Inquisition, prisoners sometimes needed extra incentive to confess their sins and recant of their wrongdoing and backsliding. Enter, the Clown. Much like Executioners have masks and uniforms that they wear that helps them focus on the task at hand, as well as make it clear to the victim and any spectators what is about to happen, the torturers were dressed as smiling Clowns, grinning wickedly as they went about their business, making the whole affair traumatic and shattering fragile psyches and egos with ease as what should be a friendly, helpful imp is actually the instrument of torture for recalcitrant prisoners.
It is also interesting to note that a single letter, the "t" added on to the end of "pain" disguises a very thinly
veiled description of life as a Clown, almost mocking those who would become Be-Painted, with their own ignorance and naivete. Truly, Clowns are an insidious lot of miscreants and dangerous mutants.
 Hushed up by the press at the time, Tricia Nixon, daughter of then President Richard M. Nixon, is believed to have had more than casual acquaintance with the greasy-faced Don Juan and the Dew Hare, much to the consternation of the White House at large; though as will be seen below, it is possible the roots of this story lead perhaps deeper and farther into the seat of government itself than would be thought possible... |
 The clown shown here, known only to police as Vito, the Vitamin C clown, was reported by numerous witnesses, only minutes before singer and politician Sonny Bono's tragic death in the late 90's, handing out freshly sliced oranges. Although some of those present that day recall mild cases of disorientation after consuming the succulent gift, forensics experts were been unable to detect any foreign substance or sedative in any of the orange remains, including the two eaten by Mr. Bono only moments before his fateful downhill slalom. Researchers speculate that a potent enough dose of sedative, or even hallucinogenic, would have been enough to prevent Mr. Bono from being able to effectively control his descent and direction, thus making Vito a likely suspect in manslaughter hearings, which are pending and not expected to be resolved until well after fall of 2002. Police were unable to locate Vito when they arrived on the scene. |
 Further confirming the suspicion of Clowns' involvement in the higher levels of politics, this picture, taken during British Prime Minister Winston Churchill's term in the 50's, may indicate a blatant and desperate threat from an underground sect of Nazi Clowns, though all inquiries along these lines have been vehemently denied - just what did Churchill agree to? Notice the strain evident upon Churchill's face as he grimaces and tries to retrieve a tot from the bold clown. |
 Lately, Clowns are apparently launching a concentrated effort to gain political power, on a worldwide scale, as can be seen in this picture of Chilean President Patricio Aylwin, who had agreed to meet with "Bippo", his most outspoken opponent concerning both domestic and foreign policy - apparently an agreement was reached, as Bippo's thinly veiled bloody coup never materialized. |
 Sensing the potential to become THE Superpower, the clowns apparently focused their efforts upon Europe during the height of the Cold War, especially England, as we see yet another clown attempting to influence national policy, though this time less obviously, as the handshake with Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher pales in comparison to the out-and-out terrorism that faced Churchill. As usual, no comments were ever released, regarding the specifics of this meeting. |
 Though it is hard to discern, this picture shows former First Lady Betty Ford, wife of President Gerald Ford practicing clowning at a very young age (far too young to be involved in anything of that nature). This picture would later come back to haunt the Fords as Gerald Ford's presidency was rife with missteps, clumsiness and all-around bad luck. The connection between his wife's early experimentation with clowning and his own gracelessness remains an enigma, but on a more sinister note, exactly how much of President Ford's ideas and speeches were his own and how much was dictated to him?
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 Coming as a surprise to virtually no one, football great Frank Gifford and his wife, former Regis and Kathie Lee co-host and all-around flittering ninny, Kathie Lee Gifford, are photgraphed shamelessly socializing with two clowns, who only gave their names as "Rioldo" (left) and "Mr. Slinky" (right). It has been rumored that Kathie Lee's clown sympathizing is related to her departure from her co-host, Regis Philbin. Philbin, who declined to comment on the record, many times has been heard saying things to the effect of, "Those damn clowns. Joy and I told her..." |
 America's sweetheart and star of the classic "Wizard of Oz", Garland is seen here in full clown regalia in a very rare photo op. The origin of the picture is uncertain, though Garland's agent claimed it was simply prop and costume, rather than actual bepainted participation - this picture, along with the Wizard of Oz, are for the most part responsible for the emergence of the now-infamous Clown-Midget conspiracy theory, born in the late 40's and popularized, having gained wide acceptance, in the late 50's. |
 The subject of much heated debate prior to the distraction with the drug culture in the 60's and 70's, the Midget-Clown Theory has come under extremely heavy fire of late from outraged and understandably dismayed persons of smaller stature, who feel the theory stereotypes and unfairly slanders them as a whole. "By god," said Tandy Pickwitt, president of the local Oklahoma City area Persons of Smaller Stature Association, "we are all just normal people - just because you're tall doesn't make us think you're all basketball players! And we are very upset and offended by this ridiculous and downright ignorant, so-called 'Midget-Clown Theory' - I know very well the reputation and practices of clowns and yes, some of us have been clowns, mimes, jesters, but that's not me, and it turns my stomach to even think about being grouped with that lot of perverts, shiftless vagrants and drunken psychopaths!" A new theory has since emerged from the old, now encompassing more contemporary material - the Oompah Loompah-Gene Wilder-Clown Theory, though all but unheard of outside of San Mateo, CA, is slowly gaining steam. |
 Chances are, you recognize the clown pictured here, as he has been a prominent figure in television for decades in the Chicago, IL area. His tours, appearances and variety shows have invaded the homes and lives of countless people everywhere, and while his facade is complete when it comes to being a great entertainer of children, his ruthlessness is unmatched when dealing with his rivals, even anti-clown websites (such as the "Clowns Are Pure Evil" site) that mention him, leading some to question his "family connections". Home of some of the most famous (and infamous) gangsters and Mafia hitmen in history, the darker of Chicago's traditions are steeped in loyalty, family and an ironclad personal code of honor and ethics - but does one of the family members have flourescent red hair and big floppy shoes? Almost certainly, but is it the clown pictured here? The world may never know... |